The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
He was like an undead boomerang. A zomberang.
Don't let negative people determine your self-worth.
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out on the ice and skate around reporters' questions, so it should be interesting.
To understand everything is to hate nothing.