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It's simple. . . go the extra mile and you will stand out from the crowd

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Zach Braff

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.

Holiday, Orphan, Orphans, Touching
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I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

Amazing, Mad, People, Race, White

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

Blacks, Dog, Long, Mean, Rights

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.

College, Dollars, Eat, Men, Sex, Took

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

Best Way, Live, Locals, Travel, Way

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.

Instead, Mean, Nothing, Sorry, Thinking
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