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Group shows are always much harder to present to the public because there's a theme to the show. They always do less well because a theme is a harder thing for people to grapple with than a monographic idea.

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Jackie Mason

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.

Differences, Doe, Stories, Material, Dinner, Old
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man?. . . Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

Guy, Man, Men, Shapes, Stand, Women

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

Applies, Contempt, Disrespect, People, Schmuck, Schmucks

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

Accountants, Accounts, Away, Payable, Ran

The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.

Higher, Hypocrite, Immorality, Levels, Negativity, Problem

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Accountant, Accountants, Hear, Kid, Kids, Wanted
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