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Every time before I throw my first pitch, I am praying. And not only that, in the bullpen I am praying.

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Chris Rock

Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man.

Jewish, Married, Men, Mexican, Perfect, Time
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Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.

Fired, Rays, Video, Wife

Not a Harvard-type education,. . . Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

Education, Funny, Humor, Liquor Stores

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

Funny, Grandma, Humor, Kid, Mommy, Pam

We treat racism in this country like it's a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You've got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it's immune to and what breaks it down.

America, Black, Country, Crazy

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.

Know, Knows, Literally, Next, Successful
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