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My happiness isn't connected to my husband's or my boss's or my children's behavior. You have control over your own actions, your own well-being.

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Carol Leifer

It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.

Funny, Human, Humans, Marriage, Men, Mixed
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You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.

Away, Dog, George, Morning, People, Woman

I don't exercise. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain.

Exercise, Pain, Philosophy

Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.

Album, Boys, Existed, Mean, Play, See

When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, 'I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive. ' And six months later you're like, 'Lord, any mammal with a day job.

Day, Jobs, Like, Months, Smart, Sweet

My stand-up act is very clean.

Act, Clean
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