I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of … - Demetri Martin

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All minorities think they're immune, but we're absolutely part of the one in five that gets skin cancer! It's a myth, and myths are meant to be debunked!

Demetri Martin

I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips. . . but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.

Book, Different, Nibs, Nice, Think, Thinking

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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '

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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

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