A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.
Ninety percent of the game (baseball) is half mental.
If people don't want to come to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
Pitching always beats batting — and vice-versa.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
Banks get in trouble for one reason: They make bad loans.
Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.
On occassion, slaves in Spanish New Orleans owned slaves, whose labor they could appropriate toward purchasing their own freedom, or whose ownership they could trade as a partial payment on their own freedom.
When you catch yourself lying to your therapist, you know it's a waste of money.