I always tape my Christmas show in advance. That way I can spend the season of joy and goodwill with my only sister in Florida. She’s kinda a creep but she’s got a pool.
Religion is a good invention in times of stress.
Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
It is not that I am so clever; it is that everyone else is so stupid.
No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
I started skydiving because I loved the idea of freedom
If you are born black, it is better to be born now than in any other time in United States history. My grandson is black. His life is a different life than if he had been born when I was born.
All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks.
I couldn't do my show without spending 12 years on the streets of Humboldt Park. It made me a better interrogator. Still, if they had taken me out of my squad car and gave me a show, I would've been terrible. But on 'Springer,' the spotlight was on Jerry and I got to grow up within the show.