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As a general rule, US-based multinationals should not be trusted until they prove otherwise. This is sad, because they have the capability to provide the best and most trusted services in the world if they actually desire to do so.

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Chelsea Handler

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

Bandanna, Father, Kings, Mother, Reason
Same Author Quotes

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

Camel, Camels, Israel, Say, Topless, Trying

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.

Benefit, Funny, Human, Jobs, Mother, Sole

Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.

Anally, Care, Contraception, Funny, Humor

[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.

Being Bullied, Bullied, Knows, Looks, Size

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

Baby, Figure, People, Pregnancy, Rest, Three
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