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The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.

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Terry Rossio

Self-esteem is the prize awarded by you to you for playing by your own rules - in which case, you'd think it would be easier to come by.