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In college I took a class from a professor who changed my whole life. I can't really remember what his name was, or what the class was, or even which college it was, but I found that if you sit behind a really tall guy and kind of slouch down in your chair you can drink Scotch right from the bottle and not get caught.

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Billy Gardell

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

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You start realizing that maybe you're the one night a month that people have out, and they don't need to hear your political views or how dark you can get. They just want to laugh for an hour and go home. Once I wrapped my head around that, my act evolved accordingly.

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I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

Florida, Highway, Straight, Two, Years

I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you're like that weird fat person that got skinny but still has a big head. I don't want to do that. So I'm just trying.

Guy, Life, Person, Trying, Weight, Weird

I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

Acoustics, Like, Mean, Older, Perfect

I've been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get enough healthy food in L. A. where the food is the size of a quarter and costs $40 - when I'm in Vegas, I want a steak!

Healthy, Las, Trying, Vegas, Weight
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