The supreme religious test of our social order is the hideous commerce of prostitution.
I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.
I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.
The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again. " Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).
Whenever I get down about life going by too quickly, what helps me is a little mantra that I repeat to myself: at least I'm not a fruit fly.
You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.
Friendships in childhood are usually a matter of chance, whereas in adolescence they are most often a matter of choice.
Some people there's no getting over.
And it took me about 11 years to get a record deal, and I just had to work around and come to terms with the fact that what I was doing was going to be different, and I just had to wait until somebody was ready to jump on the bandwagon.
The social contract is starting to unravel in many countries.