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We all had to pay, but not for the crimes we were accused of. There were other scores to settle.

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Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

Baby, Cats, Diet, Mean, Mom, Mother
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. . . Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Amazing, Dad, Exciting, Father, Happened

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

Happiness, Happy, Success

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.

Baby, Dad, Fun, Happy, Think

Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Journey, Long, Shells, Surviving, Taco

According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.

Diet, Governor, Perfect, Report, Stories, Thanks
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