Every man is a book in which God himself writes.
Surprise makes a joke funny. I love it when someone tells me something I couldn't possibly have expected; you've been led along one path and - bang! - the joke comes out of nowhere.
'What's a couple?' I asked my mum. She said, 'Two or three'. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed
I thought if I could make people laugh about how awkward I am, it'd make me less awkward. But you also realise how fun it is to make people laugh.
The trouble with stand-up is it sort of is you and yet it isn't you and it's incredibly hard not to take everything said about you personally. I would never Google my own name; I don't want to hear people being mean about me.
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
One sound blow will serve to undo us all.
2017 would be a disaster for Obamacare. That's the year it was meant to explode because Obama won't be here.
I've been a documentary photographer for much longer than I have been a filmmaker.