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Always keep your eye on the President of the church, and if he ever tells you to do anything, even if it is wrong, and you do it, the lord will bless you for it, but you don't need to worry. The lord will never let his mouthpiece lead the people astray.

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Dane Cook

Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you. " If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.

Bed, Guy, Lifelong, Right, Thinking About You
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I'm interested in doing anything and everything that I can to squeeze the creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm kind of a performance rat, that's what I want to do, I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. I just love putting creativity into a performance.

Brain, Creativity, Guess, Love Is, Squeeze

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

Brain, Constipation, People, Running, Runs

Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round of applause, how do you feel?' Right? 'By a round of applause, how you feeling?' It's the only place in the world that you judge how you're feeling by a round of applause. . . There's never like a car accident, people all over the ground, people running over - 'Ma'am! Ma'am! By a round of applause, how do you feel? By a round of applause - she's not clapping!

Ask, Car, Judging, Round, Running

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.

Accept, Acceptance, Action, Loophole, Responsibility, Transactions

It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.

Falling In Love, Feelings, Incredible, Incredibles, Know, Love
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