I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official … - Fran Lebowitz

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The harsh truth is, most red-haired men look like blondes who've spoiled from lack of refrigeration. They look like brown-haired men who've been composted out behind the barn. Yet that same pigmentation that on a man can resemble leaf mold or junkyard rust, a woman wears like a tiara of rubies.

Fran Lebowitz

I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.

Art, Catholic, Organization, People

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Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.

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People (a group that in my opinion has always attracted an undue amount of attention) have often been likened to snowflakes. This analogy is meant to suggest that each is unique - no two alike. This is quite patently not the case. People, even at the current rate of inflation - in fact, people especially at the current rate of inflation - are quite simply a dime a dozen. And, I hasten to add, their only similarity to snowflakes resides in their invariably and lamentable tendency to turn, after a few warm days, to slush.

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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

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