We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious. . . and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so. . . I'm not kiddin!
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
She was drunk so I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Day-dreams without work do not amount to anything; it is the actual work that counts.
Unlicensed illegal immigrants drive on our roads and interstates without insurance, and there is little that our law enforcement officials can do to stop them.
But from the beginning, I knew that in a world where destiny was dead, I was destined, forever, to love him. Even though he didn't - though he couldn't - ever love me back.
No objects of value are worth risking the priceless experience of waking up one more day.