I don't think I'd like to argue with you," I say. "I think it would be a very dissatisfying pastime.
Perhaps the promise of phallus is always dissatisfying in some way.
Problems are not problems at all, but results that are dissatisfying.
The elements in a relationship which seem impossible to share, the secretly disturbing, dissatisfying elements, are the most rewarding to share. This is a hard, risky, frightening thing to learn, and it needs to be re-learned over and over.