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Eugene Mirman Biography

Eugene Boris Mirman (born July 24, 1974) is a Russian-born American comedian and writer. Mirman is known for playing Yvgeny Mirminsky on Delocated, and voicing Gene Belcher on the animated comedy Bob's Burgers.

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Eugene Mirman Quotes

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Adopted, America, Attitude, Yes

You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.

Drug, Gates, Gateway, Gateways, Opens

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

Attractive, Giving, Peer, Peer Pressure, Peers, Pressure

Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.

Lonely, Sex, Mean, Night, Popular

It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.

Cab, Cab Drivers, Like, Music, Party

It's important to prepare audience for the worst in life. People come to forget their problems, and it's my job, right before I leave, to go, "Don't forget: You're going through a divorce and there's a recession. " It's always good to end on a pensive note.

Divorce, Forget, Jobs, Note, Pensive, People

The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.

Comedian, Comedians, Happened, Stories, Things, Truth Is

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

Future, Ifs, Knows, Live, Reason, Underground

To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.

Apples, Final, Knowing, Night, Project, Work

The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

Disorder, Oddball, Oddballs, School

I moved recently and I moved my cable and Internet and phone service which was all provided by Time Warner Cable. And you know, I made a plan with them where they'd come sometime between summer solstice and winter solstice and I would wait.

Internet, Phones, Sometime, Summer, Wait, Winter

You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.

Alchemist, Awkward, Beer, Relationship, Six, Week

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

Collapse, Economic, Saving, Savings, Talking

Try not to wake up on fire.

Fire, Trying, Wake, Wake Up

Comedy clubs were something that came to pass in the '80s, but toward the end of that, in the early '90s, people started doing comedy again in alternative spaces.

Alternative, Alternatives, Came, Clubs, People, Space

There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal. ' and then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.

Acts, Girl, Sex, Years

There's something therapeutic about connecting with an audience - when there's something really sort of odd or silly that you think is funny, and conveying it to an audience.

Connecting, Odd, Silly, Think, Thinking

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

Airport, Airports, Gives, Giving, Massage, Stuck

High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind games; boys try to pull each other's penises off and throw them in the bushes. If you can, buy the most expensive jeans in a two-hundred-mile radius of your town and wear them on your first day. If anyone asks how you could afford them say that your father is the president of Ashton Kutcher. When they are like, 'Ashton Kutcher has a president?' answer, 'Yes. ' Everyone will be in awe of you and you won't have to go through a lot of pain and cat fights.

Expensive, Father, Girl, Pain, President, Town

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Sports, Sex, Wrestling, Place, Guys

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Eugene Mirman Biography

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