Scott Adams (born June 8, 1957) is the creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business.
Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
My investments have been hurt.
I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
When life gives you lemons. . . choke on them and die. . . you stupid lemon eater.
You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.
As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
Failure is a resource that can be managed.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
Remember, freedom is always taken, never given.
Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.
When did ignorance become a point of view?
One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.