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I will try to hold on to the intense feeling. I will both be glad that that’s no longer happening and kind of miss it. When you’re 14, you’re basically on drugs all the time - the hormones in your body are so crazy. But I really loved and appreciated the intensity of that. And you’re experiencing everything for the first time, so everything feels like an epiphany. And, like, I really liked the experience of having a crush, because I was like, this is my thing and it doesn’t have to do with you and you’re just some dummy boy for me to project on.

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Tina Fey

I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.

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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

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If you ever start to feel good about yourself. . . . . . . they have this thing called the internet.

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And I can see Russia from my house.

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Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

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