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We live on this very small and fragile planet: a world in which there is poverty and injustice is never going to be a safe and secure world

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Dennis Miller

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.

Giving, Glad, Roulette, Stock
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Celine, Dion, Legal System, Love, Thinking

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What's Left of Civilization Channel.

Cartoon, Channel, Civilization, Course, Fiction

Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!

Chronicled, Lived, Lives, Twitter

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

Abortion, Choices, Easier, Men, Pregnant

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Funny, Humor, Use, Grocery, Eating, Cart
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