Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.
Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
Silence is of the gods; only monkeys chatter.
Charlie Chaplin and I would have a friendly contest: Who could do the feature film with the least subtitles?
Like everyone else, I like to be with a happy crowd.
A minimum-wage law is, in reality, a law that makes it illegal for an employer to hire a person with limited skills.
The conqueror is regarded with awe; the wise man commands our respect; but it is only the benevolent man that wins our affection.
Instead of putting cheese with ranchero sauce, chile is really very good for you. If you put that in, you get flavoring, so you're not eating bland food, especially if you're used to spicy food.
All I have to say is: Jessica Simpson is the most beautiful woman on the planet!