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Anyone who says that life matters less to an animal than it does to us has not held in his hands an animal fighting for its life. The whole of the being of the animal is thrown into that fight, without reserve. When you say that the fight lacks a dimension of intellectual or imaginative horror, I agree. It is not the mode of being animals to have an intellectual horror: their whole being is in the living flesh. . . I urge you to walk, flank to flank, beside the beast that is prodded down the chute to his executioner.

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Anthony Jeselnik

I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.

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People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

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My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

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About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?

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