You often see shocks in the League Cup, even when you don’t expect them
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.
I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
People who are combative in one relationship tend to be combative in other relationships.
Any strain upon a girl's intellect is to be dreaded, and any attempt to bring women into competition with men can scarcely escapefailure.
The assumption that anything true is knowable is the grandfather of paradoxes.
Any technology is just a skillful means and it's how you use it.