Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.
I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.
I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.
I think if anything, the fact that it's popular right now makes me go: "Well, I guess I'm going to start doing something else then in the next few years. " I dunno, it almost feels hackneyed at this point. To start a premise by saying, "I did this awkward thing. " But then again, awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy. Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
Being without work [in the United States] is still far better for most people than being employed in Central America.
The secret is that when you've been pitched head first into hell you just write about it
[M]anufacturing, science and engineering are. . . incredibly creative. I'd venture to say more so than creative advertising agencies and things that are known as the creative industries.
I'm pretty confusing. But I do have an oil rig in my back yard.