People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. … - Doug Benson

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There are enough churches already, but the world still needs salvation.

Doug Benson

People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like, you know, "Get high and drive a car!" Or "Get high and do this or that. " It's always things like, "Well, that's a terrible idea to get high and do that. " So, when they came to me with this, I was like, "Well, you're just sitting there and discussing cases. "

Thinking, Ideas, People, High, Terrible

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I enjoy Modern Family very much. Good TV program. I don't know why. I just find that so many of the jokes land. So many of the actors are so great. Phil Dunphy is one of my favorite characters ever.

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Being on TV and getting everything paid for are the two reasons to do it with us instead of the court of law.

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I saw a dog in a cage. And that cage had a sign on it that said, 'I bite. ' And I was like, 'That is good to know doggy, but that's not the most important thing about you. You should make a sign that says, 'I make signs. ''

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Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?

Car, Grandma, Look, Smell, Smoke

Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some cases more so. But most that appear, it's more about friendship with me than making some statement about pot. I'm sure those of my friends who are onscreen smoking might have a little regret, but there's not too much of it.

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