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The Hardy Boys burned me out. I was recharging my batteries. It was time to return to work, but it was tough because my visibility was low

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Amy Sedaris

Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.

Baby, Inseminate, Naked, Outreach, Thinking, Turkeys
Same Author Quotes

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

Girlfriend, Piece, Real, Women

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.

Pet, Losing, Sometimes, Love, Case

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

Cried, Feet, Hard, Men, Shoes

I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.

Being Alone, Figure, Gives, Opportunity, Person, Thinking

It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.

Broken, Desires, Fire, Prison Time, Relationships, Suppress
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