On the day I'm performing, I don't hear anything anyone says to me.
You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
The biggest difference would be made if we don't have wars to begin with.
What all women have in common is that they share most of the unpaid work of the world.
The artist seeks to record his awareness of order in life.
I'm always attracted to lower budget, not because it's lower budget, but because they tend to be better scripts.