Stay open to opportunity -- you never know where your next important connection will be made.
You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
I don't know if great times make great men, but I know they can kill them.
Among the most urgent political priorities of our age is the separation of economy and state.
It was almost like being a child again because you felt like you were in your bedroom and it almost felt like no one was really watching you. So, you were just kind of having a bit of fun on your own doing silly voices in the bedroom.
That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man's true character, make him drunk.