Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
Graphic designers are idea embalmers, loving undertakers preserving bits of data like to many butterflies pinned to felt in a jewel box.
I don't think there's a shortage of material in the world. Or in my head. I just pray for continued good health, because I've got other stories to tell.
Preachers dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight.
There's nothing wrong with the fashion industry. What's wrong is changing yourself for something you don't really care about just to get somewhere faster.