Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Man is an appearance, God is a reality.
There are persons who are never easy unless they are putting your books and papers in order--that is, according to their notions of the matter--and hide things lest they should be lost, where neither the owner nor anybody else can find them. This is a sort of magpie faculty. If anything is left where you want it, it is called litter. There is a pedantry in housewifery, as well as in the gravest concerns. Abraham Tucker complained that whenever his maid servant had been in his library, he could not see comfortably to work again for several days.
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!
It needs brains to be a real fool.