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I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like.

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Zach Galifianakis

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

Men, Minutes, Save, Shave, Sleep
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I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

Children, Funny, Humor, Playing, Say

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

Candy, Fat, Funny, Girl, Humor

My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

Charades, Couple, Funny, Girlfriend, Night

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.

Choice, Choices, People, School, Thought, Used

I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict. You need the guy to be out of step with society. It's a tool for comedy.

Guy, Happy, Needs, Society, Step, Watches
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