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I have a lot to be grateful for.

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W. C. Fields

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

Horse, Old, Squawk, Steak, Used
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

Alcohol, Gambling, Half, Money, Women

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Case, Clever, Flagon, Funny, Small, Witty

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

Circumstances, Inspirational, Money, Motivational, Say, Skill

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

Age, Away, Funny, Preservatives, Witty

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Funny, Goodness, Like, Sex, Things
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