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Unfortunately, most college kids these days aren't coming from any place-they seem to ask the same kind of questions over and over again.

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Paul Neilan

There comes a time in every man's life when he wakes up drunk on the toilet and begins to doubt the choices he has made. and when that time comes at least twice a day, every day. something needs to be done.

Begins, Choices, Doubt, Drunk, Life, Men
Same Author Quotes

If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.

Ifs, Right, Saltshakers, Stealing, Want, Wrong

I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can wear.

Bananas, Fruit, Funniest, Hate, Thinking

Anybody can make something up and have it sound believable. The hard part is remembering all the lies you've told, and all the people you've told them to, and then living the lies that have become your life.

Hard, Lies, Lying, People, Sound, Told

Lying to other people is fine and usually funny, but lying to yourself is tacky.

Fine, Funny, Lying, People, Tacky

But really it’s condescending and patronizing not to make fun of someone because they’re old or stupid or crippled or morbidly obese. Banged up people don’t want your pity. They just want to be treated like everyone else. Mockery, when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It’s the closest we’ll ever come to true equality.

Done, Fun, People, Pity, Respect, Stupid
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