I sacrificed for the Dallas Cowboys when most quit. I put in overtime to try to help young players.
I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.
People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, 'Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?
A frog in a well cannot conceive of the ocean.
Written truth is four-dimensional. If we consult it at the wrong time, or read it at the wrong place, it is as empty and shapeless as a dress on a hook.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself That you have no time to criticise others, To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, And too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
It doesn’t matter who you marry, as long as he thinks like you and is a gentleman and a Southerner and prideful. For a woman, love comes after marriage. ” “Oh, Pa, that’s such an Old Country notion!” “And a good notion it is! All this American business of running around marrying for love, like servants, like Yankees! The best marriages are when the parents choose for the girl. For how can a silly piece like yourself tell a good man from a scoundrel?