Same topic Authors
Quote of the day

A hundredth of a second here, a hundredth of a second there-even if you put them end to end, they still only add up to one, two, perhaps three seconds, snatched from eternity.

Popular Topics
Love You, Happy, Story, Angry, Education, World, Inspirational Life, Job, Teacher, Difference, Knowledge, Snows, Fitness, Thought, Worry, Thing, Beauty, Humbly, Dance, Curiosity, Smile, Comfortable, Peace Love, Life Is Good, Willing, Achievement, Important, Drama, Success, Today, Memorable, Food, Kindness, Character, Feelings, Gold, Butterfly, Passive, Kids, Lifetime, Bear, Culture, Name, Like, Leadership, Living My Life, Children, Movie Love, Private Life, Perfect Love
Demetri Martin

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.

Bits, Block, Like, Music, Play, Use
Same Author Quotes

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

Interesting, Magnet, Magnets, Refrigerator, Refrigerators

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '

Funny, Homies, Humor, Im Sorry, Nobel, Removed

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

Funny, Garbage, Garbage Disposal, Humor, Screwed, Turns

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '

Carnegie, House, Practice, Take, Wish

Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.

Cardboard, Essentially, Home, Machines, Sharpie, Speed
Similar Quotes