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You can't steal an artist's songs and also tell him he can't license that music to a commercial.

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Groucho Marx

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Agent, Cremated, Funny, Inspiration, Tenth, Wish
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Inspirational, Happiness, Happy, Day, Events

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Art, Freedom, Political Will, Incorrectly, Trouble, Wrong

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Funny, Friendship, Education, Friend, Dog, Read

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

Fall, Brain, Open Minded, Brains, Minded

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Funny, Happy, Hard, Laugh, Sarcasm, Sarcastic
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