I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds. " You know. "Rock breaks scissors. " "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose. " "Scissors cuts paper. " "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together. " "Paper covers rock. " "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks. " There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors. "