Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but. . . what a dork.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude. ' 'Dude, these are isotopes. ' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine. ' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies. '
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left. '
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
My grandmother was a chef, and she taught me to cook. One day I want a restaurant, a small Italian grill. Thats my aspiration.
There's always been anger in the making of music or literature or dance.
If life were stable, I'd never need God's help.
Now I'm a scientific expert; that means I know nothing about absolutely everything.