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If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.

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Terry Pratchett

Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you’re going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he’ll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me.

Became, Created, Dad, Father, Growing Up, Mouse
Same Author Quotes

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having.

Becomes, Change, Past, Present, Turns, Wells

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

Dangerous, Funny, Ignorance, Learning, Say

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

Caves, Humor, Inspirational, Paint, Possible, Sign

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

Beginning, Exploded, Humorous, Lords And Ladies, Nothing, Science

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that there's nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone.

Believe, Errors, Evolving, Natural, Organic, Science
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