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If you want something you just have to see it and believe in it and not take no for an answer.

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Tim Vine

I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris. ' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin. ' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?

Funny, Humor, Martin, Paris, Said, Train
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me. "

Came, Funny, Humor, Policeman, Said, Vines

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one. ' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes. '

Funny, Humor, Ice Cream, Said, Shop, Start

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

Exit, Funny, Humor, People, Signs, Way

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Complaint, Funny, Humor, Onions, Pickled, Supermarket

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

Compulsively, Ifs, Paronomasiac, Pun
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