With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting … - Tim Vine

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Since social relationships are always ambiguous, since my thought is only a unit, since my thoughts create rifts as much as they unite, since my words establish contacts by being spoken and create isolation by remaining unspoken, since an immense moat separates the subjective certitude that I have for myself from the objective reality that I represent to others, since I never stop finding myself guilty even though I feel I am innocent.

Tim Vine

With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke

Condense, Confidence, People, Silly, Stuff, Tell

Same Author Quotes

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me. "

Came, Funny, Humor, Policeman, Said, Vines

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one. ' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes. '

Funny, Humor, Ice Cream, Said, Shop, Start

I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris. ' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin. ' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?

Funny, Humor, Martin, Paris, Said, Train

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.

Exit, Funny, Humor, People, Signs, Way

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Complaint, Funny, Humor, Onions, Pickled, Supermarket