Same topic Authors
Quote of the day

Wth subtly developed body awareness, it is possible for the individual to become the conscious orchestrator of health.

Popular Topics
Inspiring, Good, Fitness, Home, Knowledge, Excellent, Perfect Love, Music, Scholar, Girl, Drama, Hip Hop, Pleasures Of Life, Soccer, Guru, House, Period, Like, Justice, Peace Love, Fly, Thinking, Football, Nice, Reality, Body, Stories, Hope, Humble, Dress, Quiet, Identity, Feelings, Life Is Good, Goodbye, Curiosity, Smile, Dance, Quite, Adventure, Diamond, Motor, Afternoon, Kindness, Pregnancy, World, Thank You, Book, Involve, Path Of Love
Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that. . . discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was. . . gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up. " She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Close, Funny, Girl, Home, Thing, Things
Same Author Quotes

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

Farted, Hard, Shivered

God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: When you gonna wear these for me? She goes, I can't. They're your daughter's. Aaahh! No, no, no! There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.

Daughter, Growing Up, Helping, Men, Said, Winnie

When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.

Achieve, Audience, Feelings, Looks, See, World

Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass. . . but you just pushed my jackass button.

Button, Funny, Humor, Lady, Morning, Wanting

Engvall: Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey. . . " (pantomimes hitting his son) "We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Dad, Said, Son, Yesterday
Similar Quotes