I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.
If by being overstudious, we impair our health and spoil our good humor, let us give it up.
Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
In humor, almost always, less is more.
Being in a relationship is like being in A. A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man. '
I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.
Seinfeld has his way of telling jokes - and I'm not comparing myself to Seinfeld, his genius is observing the small details of everyday life and finding humor in it.
Fortune and humor govern the world.
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.
When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"
Humor is a bit like Mary Poppins' sugar-it helps the medicine go down. A little bit of humor allows people to think about very difficult subjects.
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
Porter Rockwell was that most terrible instrument that can be handled by fanaticism; a powerful physical nature welded to a mind of very narrow perceptions, intense convictions, and changeless tenacity. In his build he was a gladiator; in his humor a Yankee lumberman; in his memory a Bourbon; in his vengeance an Indian. A strange mixture, only to be found on the American continent